Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
