Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
