i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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