this just has baby written all over it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
