I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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