Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
