Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
