Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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