Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
