dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just got carded by a ten year old.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
