I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
