Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
