how can u be prego again
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
