I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
