Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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