i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my being single is dangerous.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
