I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
why is half of my head shaved?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
