He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
