dude i'm inner monologue high
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
