ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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