Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
