One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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