i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
