Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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