i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
