I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
