there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
