im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
