don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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