Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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