she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize