you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
