i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
