so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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