Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
zippers are such a cool invention
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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