Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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