I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
