how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
