Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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