So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
