I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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