I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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