I feel like abortions should bother me more
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
