You can't special order awesome
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
