We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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