The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize