Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
