I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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