Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
