I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
honey bunches of taint.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
