So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
