I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
