I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
