her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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