I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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