I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
