just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
