i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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