There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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