If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
