I hate all girls vehemently.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
