Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
