booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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