It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
