I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Randomize
