Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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