I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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