I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
