even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
