I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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