I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
