I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
