Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
