Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
