i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
