tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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