Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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