Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
